July 26, 2018: What’s Going On?

Good night or good morning depending on when you are reading this! This little number comes to you starting from the break room but there’s no telling where it will finish. It’s the first of two night shifts tonight and as the sun begins to rise my shift will be over. A lot people often wonder how I do it and claim that they couldn’t handle but honestly, it’s really not awful. You can nap during the day, do a couple of errands before bed, and even spend time with family before they venture off to their daily grind.

Today for the most part was spent like any other; went with my wife and got a few groceries, lounged around with the dogs and some video games, and died a few hundred times in a rousing effort on “Cuphead” before it was time to take a nap. Rest and caffeine are two of the most crucial ingredients in my daily routine. I typically like to have enough caffeine on hand that if given to a group of toddlers they could colonize, form a democracy, a militia, and seek world domination. As of right now, I would say I’m at half capacity so I can make it through the night.

There are so many things I want to cover about life as a whole right now. For once I really can’t complain about the way things are or how things are going. It feels good to be steady in writing but without a specific purpose. I’ve noticed that I haven’t been checking my stats on the administrative page as much as I once did. I know these are my thoughts and feelings but I share them because it feels good to just throw it out into the internet. It’s almost like skipping stones on a lake. I have a journal at home but this feels more custom and more intimate because I can share all of this with the world or anyone who cares to read it, if that makes sense. What do you think? If you have read my blog for awhile or are new to the page, what are your thoughts about my new approach as holding “Out to Dry” as a journal?

I keep thinking heavily about my future lately. I want so bad to be an artist of some kind that I can’t stand it. Music held my heart for such a long time and now writing seems to be my main squeeze. I attempted to reach out to my local newspaper to see about blogging for them but it fell through. I can’t necessarily blame them though, given the nature of previous content. The world is full of enough gloom and doom without my pity parties on top of it no matter what I’m advocating. I’m still learning how to keep my advocacy for mental health a positive thing in writing instead of it painting me as a victim. Anyways, I feel that most people have their specific dream job picked out. They know exactly what they want to do and exactly what to do to get there. Of course there are segways to reach their goal but ultimately people have a feel for the end product.

(That’s me back in high school when I thought I knew it all… That chin though… Tattoos and a beard fixed me up!)

I really want to find my niche and run with it but sometimes I get scared that my niche is staring me in the face. I really want to find steady joy in the things I do and find purpose behind my work. I also would love to do so in front of a nice air conditioner… Please don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to be tattooed, pierced, an asshole, and employed because that is truly a gift from the heavens above; I just feel out of place sometimes. I get overwhelmed by my emotions with things that really don’t matter and then realize that I need to express myself in a way or a place that won’t get me into trouble. Perhaps it’s just me peeping over the fence too much but it seems that a lot of people seem to truly enjoy the path they have chosen, so what’s my problem?

People always tell me, “You’re twenty-five! Your whole life is ahead of you!”, while smiling ear to ear and also saying, “If you don’t get it together your wife will leave, your dogs will die, you’ll lose everything you own, no one will love you, you’ll never have another job ever again because you have no experience and you dropped out of college three times, and Taco Bell will close its doors forever, so suck it up buttercup because this is all you’re ever going to get!” Fucking insanity. The only conclusion that I can come to about my future is that I can only hope to create my own destiny one day, but for now I will continue to do the very best with what I have. In the meantime, I will continue to wring my mind out to get a little relief from time to time.

I’m hoping that I can find a way in my free time to revive some old hobbies into the blog to create a new experience such as some podcasts of free verse poetry or even some of the journal entries. I bought a microphone several months ago and haven’t taken the time to learn the recording software it came with but if it’s good, you may find some interactive things happening soon! As mentioned earlier, let me know your thoughts on the journaling approach to the blog. I would love to read your input! I hope you enjoyed reading and hope you have a great day as you rise with the sun. Be safe, smart, and happy!

-Shelton Fisher