Forgetting

I’ve been forgetting my medicine lately. For a couple of days now to be exact. The reaction that follows is more than I can swallow as my mind becomes clouded again. I know better however… A couple of days can’t match the months of serotonin successfully flowing to the appropriate places inside… Right? Left? No wait…. I don’t know.

I’ve been forgetting my confidence lately. The days of contacts and colorful hair are coming to an end as I gaze in the mirror, not sure if I like what I see. Has my nonchalant attitude been a charade this whole time? Another one of my crazed phases taking over just to crash and burn with the rest? I’m thinking of shaving my head. Sit me in the kitchen and I won’t stand out anymore. I can hide in my hats from day to day as I watch without saying a word. Life plays out before my eyes sticking strictly to the script. Does anyone have an extra copy?

I’ve been forgetting my positivity lately. For one reason or another, I find myself on the shitty end of the stick but the truth is that the stick stands alone in the dirt merely waving a white flag in the breeze. Every day amid smiles and laughter, a shadow looms overhead ready to steal my sunshine. The photosynthesis I crave becomes an obscure dream while the world outside breathes the fresh air. It’s a non consentual threesome each night as I hold my wife tight, lying beside myself about everything that’s wrong with me. What is it? Why am I this way? Why does she stay? What the fuck is the real problem here? Is there a real problem here? Am I just a hypochondriac? Am I a psychopath? Is my mind so sick that I should just give it up the way the crowds used to when I would sing? Singing… there’s a song for this… I know it…

I’ve been forgetting my time management lately. Speaking of songs, there was once a time that kept time in the rhythm of each day. I could juggle a plan and play it by ear but the problem was that it was always to the beat of someone elses’ drum. Now that I have my own I fall apart when I fall out of tempo and I’m left in a daze picking up the pieces as the band marches on.

I’m forgetting that I’m not alone lately. Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I one of the tons of people out there with issues, or am I just getting on your nerves? With every stroke of the key there’s the nagging idea that you really hate me. Another post boasting about a day becoming a breakthrough when it’s all so simple for you. I realize more and more that I am blind, holding your hand with each careful and cautious step as I lead the way into the unknown. I know you may feel the same and I should just shut up because no one cares. We all have our own problems… I’m aware that the stares and glares aren’t personal, but they burn nevertheless for no reason. But I hope that regardless I reach you and teach you that despite my forgetful nature these days, it’s still worth trying to remember. This skin is tattooed, pierced, and scarred but I know I can find its’ comfort again.

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