When I got my new phone several weeks ago, it came equipped with a personal assistant named Bixby. She is very similar to Siri for the iPhone and when my alarm goes off in the mornings for my day shifts, she likes to tell me the news and other depressing shit I don’t care about to put some spring in my step for the day ahead.
“Good morning! Here are today’s top breaking headlines: Trump tweets a picture of his Taco Bell order. Offends Whoopi Goldberg by not adding more cheese to his Crunchwrap.
Next headline: Timmy falls down a sinkhole and breaks both legs beyond repair.
Nothing makes you want to get out of bed more than shutting that crap off. Well played Samsung…
For the past two days I have gotten out of bed however to the beat of my own drum despite the despair from my alarm. I have gotten ready to music that’s been stuck in my head as if I were in a montage in a movie. “I’m Not Okay” by My Chemical Romance has been the jam in the mornings but the track changes throughout the day. There’s just something about reliving my teenage angst of long hair, guyliner, and headbanging to fast paced percussion that gets me fired up enough to make it to the Keurig.
When the work day begins, there is one goal in mind… Make it through twelve hours which would be impossible if it weren’t for the good company of my coworkers and an eclectic Pandora playlist. From the poetic souls spewing from underground hip hop to the serenading strings of classical violins and cellos, I have it all at my fingertips. They tolerate my speratic Conway Twitty segways on night shifts as well as upcoming hippie rockers on the rise. For example, nothing gets me grooving and ready to take on a challenge like “Shoe Boot” by Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats. Between sliding horns and wavy organs, this band has revived a vintage sound similar to that of 50’s music. Time definitely flies when you’re having fun.
I miss playing music sometimes. I’ll pick up my guitar every so often and try and light that spark again. My problem is questioning my responsibility. I had a big ego when I used to play live music. I never practiced and when I did I was usually drunk and I expected to be great no matter what I did or wrote. I get on Facebook live sometimes just to mess around with the idea again and practice live and mess up in front of people for fun to not take it so seriously. I think that’s my problem with most things in my life. I need to learn how to have fun.
I wrote a song a long time ago called “Waste”. In my personal soundtrack, it’s one I can never forget because I never want to be in this place again. The place so stagnant and wasteful that there is nothing but wondering what changes can be made to fix yourself, but you’re too nervous to make a move. For the most part I feel that after the proper medication and everything over the past several months, there isn’t much waste these days, but not every day is a winner.
I hope you’re having a great Tuesday and that your Monday wasn’t terrible. Thanks for reading and we’ll be in touch. Be safe, smart, and happy!