Hello at long last! It’s been a long time and I have been busy, stressing out, and being just a touch lazy as well over the past week or so, … Continue reading August 7, 2018: Catch Up(Ketchup?)
Happy Monday wherever you may be planted today. With this being my last day off before investing four more days at work, I decided to get some errands finished today. … Continue reading July 30, 2018: Waiting Room
Today has been a day of just hanging out and doing a whole lot of nothing. Nothing has sounded very interesting aside from Netflix and a low budget film we … Continue reading July 28, 2018: Yesterday
Good night or good morning depending on when you are reading this! This little number comes to you starting from the break room but there’s no telling where it will finish. It’s the first of two night shifts tonight and as the sun begins to rise my shift will be over. A lot people often wonder how I do it and claim that they couldn’t handle but honestly, it’s really not awful. You can nap during the day, do a couple of errands before bed, and even spend time with family before they venture off to their daily grind.
Today for the most part was spent like any other; went with my wife and got a few groceries, lounged around with the dogs and some video games, and died a few hundred times in a rousing effort on “Cuphead” before it was time to take a nap. Rest and caffeine are two of the most crucial ingredients in my daily routine. I typically like to have enough caffeine on hand that if given to a group of toddlers they could colonize, form a democracy, a militia, and seek world domination. As of right now, I would say I’m at half capacity so I can make it through the night.
There are so many things I want to cover about life as a whole right now. For once I really can’t complain about the way things are or how things are going. It feels good to be steady in writing but without a specific purpose. I’ve noticed that I haven’t been checking my stats on the administrative page as much as I once did. I know these are my thoughts and feelings but I share them because it feels good to just throw it out into the internet. It’s almost like skipping stones on a lake. I have a journal at home but this feels more custom and more intimate because I can share all of this with the world or anyone who cares to read it, if that makes sense. What do you think? If you have read my blog for awhile or are new to the page, what are your thoughts about my new approach as holding “Out to Dry” as a journal?
I keep thinking heavily about my future lately. I want so bad to be an artist of some kind that I can’t stand it. Music held my heart for such a long time and now writing seems to be my main squeeze. I attempted to reach out to my local newspaper to see about blogging for them but it fell through. I can’t necessarily blame them though, given the nature of previous content. The world is full of enough gloom and doom without my pity parties on top of it no matter what I’m advocating. I’m still learning how to keep my advocacy for mental health a positive thing in writing instead of it painting me as a victim. Anyways, I feel that most people have their specific dream job picked out. They know exactly what they want to do and exactly what to do to get there. Of course there are segways to reach their goal but ultimately people have a feel for the end product.
(That’s me back in high school when I thought I knew it all… That chin though… Tattoos and a beard fixed me up!)
I really want to find my niche and run with it but sometimes I get scared that my niche is staring me in the face. I really want to find steady joy in the things I do and find purpose behind my work. I also would love to do so in front of a nice air conditioner… Please don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to be tattooed, pierced, an asshole, and employed because that is truly a gift from the heavens above; I just feel out of place sometimes. I get overwhelmed by my emotions with things that really don’t matter and then realize that I need to express myself in a way or a place that won’t get me into trouble. Perhaps it’s just me peeping over the fence too much but it seems that a lot of people seem to truly enjoy the path they have chosen, so what’s my problem?
People always tell me, “You’re twenty-five! Your whole life is ahead of you!”, while smiling ear to ear and also saying, “If you don’t get it together your wife will leave, your dogs will die, you’ll lose everything you own, no one will love you, you’ll never have another job ever again because you have no experience and you dropped out of college three times, and Taco Bell will close its doors forever, so suck it up buttercup because this is all you’re ever going to get!” Fucking insanity. The only conclusion that I can come to about my future is that I can only hope to create my own destiny one day, but for now I will continue to do the very best with what I have. In the meantime, I will continue to wring my mind out to get a little relief from time to time.
I’m hoping that I can find a way in my free time to revive some old hobbies into the blog to create a new experience such as some podcasts of free verse poetry or even some of the journal entries. I bought a microphone several months ago and haven’t taken the time to learn the recording software it came with but if it’s good, you may find some interactive things happening soon! As mentioned earlier, let me know your thoughts on the journaling approach to the blog. I would love to read your input! I hope you enjoyed reading and hope you have a great day as you rise with the sun. Be safe, smart, and happy!
When I got my new phone several weeks ago, it came equipped with a personal assistant named Bixby. She is very similar to Siri for the iPhone and when my … Continue reading July 24, 2018: Soundtrack
Here in the sleepy little town of Dallas, North Carolina another weekend is coming to a close and the family and I are beginning to prepare for the week ahead. … Continue reading July 22, 2018: The End of a Weekend
Today marks a new era for my blog. After some thinking about my blog page and some personal soul searching I have been doing for the past month or so, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to start a journaling portion of the “Out to Dry” website. These posts are going to be written more casually and be written more so on a daily basis (or as closely to that as possible). For many reasons it feels like a good shift in my usual writing style, as well as a shift in my overall creative thought process.
For the past month or so that I have been away from both my blog and “The Bipolar Writer” page, I have been in either a high rising mania throughout the days enjoying reading “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer”, spending time with my wife and dogs, and getting more done around the apartment like cleaning and cooking between work. These successes however left negative parasites behind to hatch in the background. I realize I have neglected writing and honestly I have missed it. I truly feel however that I never want this to feel like work. I love writing no matter what the subject matter. There is something that feels so good about getting things out on either paper or on the screen so that it doesn’t fester inside of my soul and for awhile, everything I was doing felt like work. Looking at either my computer or WordPress app kept me fairly anxious for the simple fact that the stats would show the product (or lack there of) my neglect, proving this to be just another hobby that fell apart in my hands which is the last thing that I want to feel about this website.
Another issue I have noticed is a specific pattern in the subjects of my writing. This is an issue that has been brought to my attention when I was a musician as well but I think seeing my work in front of me has really opened my eyes to the problem. I write about the same shit over and over and over again… For this, I want to thank you all for hanging on as long as you have because… damn… Everything here so far is “anxious this”, “depressed that”, and “boohoo over one beer”. I have essentially written the same thing in many different ways and it’s time to spread my wings a little bit. It’s time to write some short stories, fiction, sci-fi, horror, etc. Please, don’t get me wrong because anxiety is very real and so is bipolar disorder but I feel that I have recently had an epiphany about my mental health. There is a significant difference between treating mental health disorders and becoming defined by mental health disorders. I feel that on my journey in discovering what was wrong with me, I let it dictate what I wrote about for a majority of this blog and let it take me over, if that makes sense. By creating a journaling category in my criteria, this will allow for a different type of writing that separates reality from fiction and keeps a record of day to day life with a sprinkling of treatment instead of bombarding readers with nothing but depression and metaphors for my mental health at the moment of publication.
You may be wondering to yourself why I would even involve readers in a journal experience. Some people who create can paint or draw pictures to share with the world. I once shared music and thought I was reaching people in a meaningful way, but I no longer have the resources or desire to chase that dream for anything other than my own enjoyment as a hobby. I am like the saying says, “just a drop in the ocean”. There are so many artists, vloggers, bloggers, poets, musicians, and the likes in the world that I simply need to keep enjoying what I do. I share this experience with you because I don’t go to school, I don’t believe in church, I don’t have a large following of people, and I for the most part am just a normal nervous wreck. I am hoping by writing journal entries that maybe people can relate in the ways that this blog was actually intended to do instead of the depressing shit that it’s became over the past several months. As a reader, you probably won’t see images with every post as I usually try to do but hopefully the content will be a little more interesting, a lot more realistic, and doesn’t make you want to beat your head against a wall. I will not be politically correct sometimes. I will probably be vulgar at times. I will definitely talk about my dogs like they are children all the time. I am going to be one hundred percent me.
With all of this said, I really hope you will join me on this new outlook and era in “Out to Dry”. There is now a “Journal Entry” category listed in the categories section if you are looking at different posts that will filter everything specifically as more get added, but for now it is 12:48 AM in North Carolina on July 21st so I need to crash to prepare for todays’ new adventure. See you in the sunshine!