July 20, 2018: The Beginning

Today marks a new era for my blog. After some thinking about my blog page and some personal soul searching I have been doing for the past month or so, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to start a journaling portion of the “Out to Dry” website. These posts are going to be written more casually and be written more so on a daily basis (or as closely to that as possible). For many reasons it feels like a good shift in my usual writing style, as well as a shift in my overall creative thought process.

For the past month or so that I have been away from both my blog and “The Bipolar Writer” page, I have been in either a high rising mania throughout the days enjoying reading “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer”, spending time with my wife and dogs, and getting more done around the apartment like cleaning and cooking between work. These successes however left negative parasites behind to hatch in the background. I realize I have neglected writing¬†and honestly I have missed it. I truly feel however that¬†I never want this to feel like work. I love writing no matter what the subject matter. There is something that feels so good about getting things out on either paper or on the screen so that it doesn’t fester inside of my soul and for awhile, everything I was doing felt like work. Looking at either my computer or WordPress app kept me¬†fairly anxious¬†for the simple fact that the stats would show the product (or lack there of) my neglect,¬†proving this¬†to be just another hobby that fell apart in my hands¬†which is¬†the last thing that I want to feel about this website.

Another issue I have noticed is a specific pattern in the subjects of my writing. This is an issue that has been brought to my attention when I was¬†a musician as well but I think seeing my work in front of me has really opened my eyes to the problem. I write about the same shit over and over and over again… For this, I want to thank you all for hanging on as long as you have because… damn… Everything here so far is “anxious this”, “depressed that”, and “boohoo over one beer”. I have essentially written the same thing in many different ways and it’s time to spread my wings a little bit. It’s time to write some short stories, fiction, sci-fi, horror, etc. Please, don’t get me wrong because anxiety is very real and so is bipolar disorder but I feel that I have recently had an epiphany about my mental health. There is a significant difference between treating mental health disorders and becoming defined by mental health disorders. I feel that on my journey in discovering what was wrong with me, I let it dictate what I wrote about for a majority of this blog and let it take me over, if that makes sense. By creating a journaling category in my criteria, this will allow for a different type of writing that separates reality from fiction and keeps a record of day to day life with a sprinkling of treatment instead of bombarding readers with nothing but depression and metaphors for my mental health at the moment of publication.

You may be wondering¬†to yourself¬†why¬†I would¬†even involve readers in a journal experience. Some people who create can paint or draw pictures to share with the world. I once shared music and thought I was reaching people in a meaningful way, but I no longer have the resources or desire to chase that dream for anything other than my own enjoyment as a hobby. I am like the saying says, “just a drop in the ocean”. There are so many artists, vloggers, bloggers, poets, musicians, and the likes in the world that I simply need to keep enjoying what I do. I share this experience with you because I don’t go to school, I don’t believe in church, I don’t have a large following of people, and I for the most part am just a normal nervous wreck. I am hoping by writing journal entries that maybe people can relate in the ways that this blog was actually intended to do instead of the depressing shit that it’s became over the past several months. As a reader, you probably won’t see images with every post as I usually try¬†to do but hopefully the content will be a little more interesting, a lot more realistic, and doesn’t make you want to beat your head against a wall. I will not be politically correct sometimes. I will probably be vulgar at times. I will definitely talk about my dogs like they are children all the time. I am going to be one hundred percent me.

With all of this said, I really hope you will join me on this new outlook and era in “Out to Dry”. There is now a “Journal Entry” category listed in the categories section if you are looking at different posts that will filter everything specifically as more get added, but for now it is 12:48 AM in North Carolina on July 21st so I need to crash to prepare for todays’ new adventure. See you in the sunshine!