Who doesn’t love the weekend? Any time off to kick back and relax does the mind and body a world of good. However, even in these times we are faced … Continue reading I Have Failed
There is something invigorating about exercise. The feeling of sweat pouring from your body as you push through both your physical and mental boundaries to achieve a personal goal. Around … Continue reading Reps
I opened my eyes this morning to a brand new day. The words “brand new” echoed through my mind as if someone clapped down an empty hallway. Motivation coursed through me … Continue reading Speaking Up
Independence is trait that I have made a conscious effort to maintain all my life. As a child, I would find interest in superheroes with natural abilities instead of gadgets because their power was from within. During my teenage years I wanted to be a one man band. I had a natural talent with music that allowed me to sing at a young age and in an effort to eliminate a need for other people, I learned to play guitar and harmonica. When I went to school for broadcasting I had the idea that I could record and produce my own music to provide an outlet to become famous. In retrospect, I was a braying jackass that probably needed my teeth kicked in because I wanted friends, popularity, and to prosper without any interaction from anyone else. Although all of that is in the past, I think that this lone ranger is ready to take his mask off for all to see.
Over the course of my journey for better mental health I have continued to take challenges by the horns on my own. Some days I can throw my problems out and move on and other days I am trampled like the rodeo clown who takes his smoke breaks in the barrel. During all this however I have noticed a constant that doesn’t waver very much. Social interaction actually seems to help me and I can’t do this alone. Yes, you just read that correctly and I was just as shocked as you may be.
I began to notice the difference after beginning my medicine. Despite being a former musician, my social skills have never been very good. I was the nervous skinny guy who never said much and didn’t speak his mind if it meant someone getting offended or upset. After I started taking my medicine I began to notice that over time I had a desire to begin speaking my mind and initiating conversations with people. I began to build better relationships with my coworkers and speak up about problems instead of letting them smolder under my skin. The crazy thing is that I feel that it actually made an impact in both my work and personal life. Things I suggested began to get taken seriously, my opinions are requested, and I had inspiration to start this blog. Despite a few bad days, overall I feel much better as a person because of opening up and developing friendships.
What does this mean presently? Lately it has meant that I have been finding the courage to face triggers of my social anxiety. I have been making plans to go out with friends and keeping them and developing plans with my wife to cross things off my bucket list like going to concerts and spending money on experiences instead of things. I have opened my Facebook page to the public in order to meet new people and new readers who go through the same things that I do. With that said, I hope to meet you someday if you find me out there! I am also gradually learning to deal with triggers within my family by attempting to say what I really feel without fear of confrontation. It is a slow work in progress but in due time, I feel that I can fix some bridges with old friends and family that I have neglected through the years.
So how can this relate to you? I want to challenge you to try and talk to someone at random. It doesn’t have to be anything too personal, but just something to initiate a general conversation with a new person who you don’t socialize with often. You don’t have to leave your comfort zone if you feel your anxiety take the reigns but if you are prone to that happening, I want for you to become aware of the anxiety on a deeper level. If you are ready to change and open up about it, take the steps you feel are necessary to remain comfortable while working on it, whether it’s seeking help or just simply taking a few deep breaths. You may be surprised how much stronger you are than your fear.
I left work yesterday morning a completely different person than when I came into my shift. Perhaps it’s the interaction with coworkers or the twelve hours of completing consistent tasks that slow my mind down, but whatever it is gives me so many thoughts to share with you. I have so many ideas that span far beyond the rise and inevitable fall of my moods and anxiety that I want to write about and I really hope you enjoy what you find here. With that said, I want to take a moment to thank you for your interest in my posts.
The development in my writing is one of many things that I wish to improve on. There is something almost therapeutic in expressing my thoughts and feelings to you, no matter how in detail they may be. Lately, those feelings have been on a downward slope but that’s what a lot of this page is about. I started this page to inspire with original works and to share progress in a never ending development of myself as a man with many flaws and mental anguish. Sharing my personal story includes both the good and the bad days but this doesn’t mean that it is a cry for help or attention. I tell my story as it unfolds to hopefully help and educate the readers and to provide a release of emotion for my own sanity.
I have been told that in order to fix people, I have to fix myself and that not every day is a big breakthrough for mental health and to a certain extent those statements are correct. However I stake this claim to make a statement of my own, that I am not trying to fix my audience and that my posts are not an advice column. I write in hopes that those who read that are going through the same things that I am can take solace in the fact that they are not alone and their challenges are not their downfall. As my mother always said as I was growing up, “This too shall pass.”
This is a brief post, but if you are discovering my page for the first time I welcome you and invite you to subscribe and come back. If you are a returning reader or subscriber I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking around and I hope to provide you with some light hearted adventures soon as well as some fiction works and poetry. If you are on my Snapchat and Facebook pages, I apologize for not posting last night as promised but appreciate your time as well and hope you stay tuned. Finally, I would like to invite you to find me on Facebook and Twitter. My posts are always uploaded there as well and tend to be more readily available for subscribers than with email, however I am the only twenty-five year old on the planet still learning Twitter so bare with me on that platform. Make it a great day and I will be posting more soon!
Today is a day where I hate my reflection. The man looking back at me is a hollow shell attempting to go through the motions of a normal day. I … Continue reading Rough Day
Nike coined the phrase “just do it” around the time I was in high school. It was all over t-shirts, hats, and the athletic kids who scored more than touchdowns … Continue reading Just Do It